After much enter discussion with myself (and my BFF), I have decided to start writing a blog to document my feelings on my personal spiritual, physical and mental journey of a happier me. I am not sure where this will take me, but let’s see where it goes.
This morning I called my grandmother to see how she was doing. Conversation went like this:
Me: Hi Grams
Grams: I can barely hear you. Sound all muffled.
Me: Oh that is my fault the microphone for my head set fell under my chin when I bent over.
Grams: Well you need to learn to move all of your chins out of the way.
This is how our conversations tend to go most of the time. Somewhere in our hours of conversation either me at her house, or on the phone, she somehow manages to throw a degrading comment in about my weight.
Me: relationships are hard
Grams: well if you lost some weight you could actually find a good man. I guess some guy would take you looking as heavy as you are.
For the record I am in a same sex marriage. I have been for the past 12 years. My Grams knows who my wife is. She has met her and even admits to liking her. But I get the above comment every so often.
Also for the record my Grams is 88 years old. We can be on the same page regarding racism and white supremacy in this country. But we on different pages, hell even different books when it comes to sexism, feminist issues and gender equality. It is so frustrating at times talking to her. She is my Grams but by the Goddess I just want to shake her and say who are you? Oh in case you are thinking, ‘oh she must be having early signs of dementia’. Nope Grams has been like this my whole life. I chalk it up to her growing up in a different era, raising three daughters in a totally different time then the one she was raised in. The world has changed considerably since she was born back in 1928. While the world has changed in some aspect, there is still a lot that has remained the same.
I have been heavy my whole life. Give or take. At this current point in my life, I am at my heaviest I have ever been. I am having problems with that fact. I remember my mom saying how in awe she was of me, because I still went and did things even though I was fat. Her words not mine. She didn’t mean it in a bad way. She was proud that I was confident in myself to do things I wanted to do. Not letting my weight stop me from doing them. She explained further she didn’t have that when she was growing up. She was a thicker girl too. But the difference between me and my mother is; she was 5’8 and I am 5’3 ½ maybe 5’4 on a good day. So her being heavy settled on her differently compared to me being a lot shorter.
So that brings me to now. (sort of further in the journey I will talk more about my past) I have had 3 Yoga magazines that I bought (you will laugh at this) 2 of them where bought in 2006, and 1 was bought in 2007. Yep, it is 2014. I know, I know why did I keep 3 yoga magazines for almost 7 years? I don’t know to be honest. When I bought them I had every intention of reading them and trying to figure out how to incorporate yoga in my life.
I have always had this fascination with yoga. The poses look so majestic and powerful. Now at this time I had no idea about Body Positive Yoga (she hasn’t updated her channel in awhile), but there is a Facebook group Body Positive Yoga that is pretty active, or Curvy Yoga and there is also a Facebook group Curvy Yoga. I certainly didn’t know anything about the popularity of yoga on Instagram.
Enter stage right my BFF. I love her!!! Not only because she has shown me the way of the force (Yoga). But I also got a kick ass recipe for peanut butter brownies, which uses recess peanut butter cups. YUMMO! She is the sister I never had. She is the Yoga Jedi Master to me. She explains to me all about the wonderful, joyous, supportive and fabulous world of Yogis of Color and Plus size Yogis. My face O_O . I listen intently to all the knowledge the Yoga Jedi Master gives me. She has passed on books through kindle for me to read and understand.
She gently pushes me to continue practicing and if I fail doing the pose that is fine. Just listen to your body and continue trying. She listens when I have questions that are probably stupid as all hell, but she listens and answers them to the best of her ability.
My first foray into doing yoga I was following Yoga for Beginners on YouTube. I was going along and I got to the downward facing dog and at this point my dogs had decided they were going to join in. My puppy decided I was going to get upward facing puppy licking. Thanks JD appreciate it extremely thankful for that. That was last month.
This month we decided to try out some challenges on Instagram. There was a lot to choose from. I decided to do the #BalanceBasics and #Flow30. They seem easy enough for me being a beginner and my BFF is doing them with me plus another one that I am not doing. It is called #sizedontmatter but quite a bit of the poses they are doing I haven’t even attempted yet. Besides I am not sure how to get into them without killing myself.
So this is just my first entry into this wonderful world. I will try to post daily. Some days I may even post more. Just a warning this journey will include all this that effect my life either directly or indirectly. So you may even see post here regarding racism, or whatever else I may feel strongly about.