So I can’t Sleep

So I am still up.  I fell asleep early this afternoon.  Thinking I would take a little cat nap.  Well that cat nap turned into 2 ½ hours of hard sleeping.  It is now 2:34 am on Wednesday morning.  Oops 🙂

Well what does that mean for my readers? Some rambling from me.

So I have heard a lot of talk about Shakeology.  I also heard how expensive it is.  I was looking on their site and HOLY CANOLI $129.95 O_o . Phew that is a lot of money.  Especially if one of us is not working and the other one is working  48 hours per a two week pay period.

Oh we could do it, but that would mean nothing else would get paid.  We would be living at her mom’s.  Yeah so not doing that again, did it once when she lost her job and we were able to survive on my income for 6 months before things hit the fan.  At that point we had to move to her parents.  It was supposedly only for 6 months.  It turned into almost 5 years.  *shudders*

So here is my question; why does eating healthy and everything that goes along with it cost so damn much?

But if they truly want us to be healthy, don’t you think maybe you make things available at a price that we little people can afford? Just a thought, I know it sounds all types of logic. We both know when it comes to make lots of money vs making insane amounts of money logic and helping people are the first things thrown out the window.

I get the diet industry is a billion hell even maybe a trillion dollar money maker.  Some of things on the market is crap.  Ya’ll have seen the products either on TV infomercial or in the stores.  You know the ones that make insane claims of losing xyz amount of weight in 10 days.  It is such a scam.  They prey on individuals like me, who are overweight and keep being bombarded with images of what we are supposed to look like.  To be made to feel like you are a failure for allowing yourself to get FAT.

I will fully admit I am overweight by a lot of numbers.  Those numbers are not for public consummation right now.  Maybe later.

I also fully admit at one point sitting up late at night watching some of these infomercials and feeling like a huge failure, because I had allowed myself to get this big.  For a moment in time I actually bought into the bullshit that these companies where selling.

Thankfully I snapped out of that one way ticket to disaster station X.   When I realize dieting was not the solution nor were the fad weight loss new invention great new thingy.  What I needed to do was a lifestyle change.  I needed to identify where I was over eating, find out if I was an emotional eater.  To answer that question, I was and still am to some extent.   I needed to find exercises that were fun for me to do and something that I would stick to.  But if I didn’t like it, I know I wouldn’t keep doing it.  That is just my personality.

I knew I always loved dancing.  So hey Zumba I’m looking at you, was a great choice for me.  I never went to a studio class (well I went).  I am not comfortable in a big ass room being the only fat chick there. [1] I have enough shit to deal with, without having folks be condescending to me.

So I was able to get my happy hands on a Wii version of Zumba.  I am such a happy camper.

So I mention in my first post on how my BFF helps and guides me with Yoga.  I am so grateful to her for giving me this wonderful, amazing gift of trying to find that balance.

It also seems like Yoga is helping me with my meditation as well.  I have always had a hard time trying to still my mind.  But concentrating on my breathing and keeping everything in line or at least trying to, has helped me.  I don’t as often drift back to all of the million things I need to do or what I should be doing at this point except for just breathing.

Since I am just starting out, you wouldn’t think I would already have poses I really like.  But guess what? I do have favorite poses.  Well for right now just two but hey, I’m still new.

I love the Tree Pose (Vriksasana), the feeling of connecting with the earth and grounding everything down into the ground.  Releasing all of that energy that is harmful and accepting all the energy that is good for you.  Just letting it all go.

My second favorite pose is  Downward Facing Dog (Adho Mukha Svanasana), granted when I get into this pose my almost 3 year old puppy decides mamma needs the upward facing puppy licks.  He does it every time.  Cracks me up.

Anytime I put my blanket down to start my Easy Pose (Sukhasana) apparently is an invitation for my two dogs and 2 cats to come hang out with mamma.  They will sit or lay one on each side and one in front and back of me, circle of protection in each direction of Earth, Air, Fire and Water.  Nice my animals are helping me perform my daily ritual by encircling me with their protection.


So what are your favorite poses?  Which one do you have a problem with?  I would love to hear your thoughts on this.



[1] Just so you know I did go to one class and yup I was the only person there that was fat.  Everyone else was like size 12 and below.


One thought on “So I can’t Sleep”

  1. My favorite pose is Camel Pose /Ustrasana. I like the feeling of opening my back. I can not yet reach my ankles but getting closer. My most challenging poses are any one legged ones. Balance is a serious challenge for me. Matt just cracks up and sometimes catches me 😂
    The diet industry is disgusting. In many ways it is manufactured and like beauty magazines designed to make us yearn for something that isnit even real. I am an emotional eater. I realized as an adult that my mother is and when my sister and I were upset as kids she bought us special snack foods. I did the same with my daughter. Ugh! Now I push real food and am wanting to afford organic. However gastroparesis forced me to deal in a real way with my relationship with food. I knew it was worse than I ever acknowledged when eating the wrong food can make me sick for more than a week and cause intense pain. Yet, if I am upset I still turn to food 😫

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